[Hallicrafters] Mothers Day Gift For You and Halli Net


Duane Fischer, W8DBF dfischer at usol.com
Sat May 7 18:30:15 EDT 2011



Hi All,

Below are five heart touching as well as light hearted stories and bits of 
verse. I have written these over the years for my mother, now a resident in 
Heaven. Remember your mother tomorrow! I am printing these here and allowing 
them to be reprinted. Just remember to include my name as the author!

Do something special tomorrow for your mother. If she is no longer with you, 
then honor someone as an honorary mother for the day. There are many lonely 
hearts out there that you can share some love with! You may not be their 
son, but you will end up being a Prince for sure! Enjoy and God bless all 
our beloved mothers, past and present.

   There Is More To Mother's Day Than Just A Hallmark Card!


                                  By Duane B. Fischer, W8DBF



If Mom will let you, please join us for the Sunday May 8th
Halligans Hallicrafters International 20 meter Net. It will
commence with the pre-Net at 12:30 PM EDT, (1630 UTICA) and
the Net proper at 1:00 PM EDT, (1700 UTC). The frequency,
(contestors or bust!), will be 14.293 Mhz usb +/-for key
clicks, mike splatter and the sound of the wind howling like
a cross-eyed Siamese cat that sniffed a little too much
curdled skim milk and chewed the end of its own tail off
thinking it was a hairy grass snake!

How hard will the west wind be puffing? Over forty mph
sustained. The NSW has already issued a high wind alert for
Sunday, being as the 20 mph morning winds are supposed to
continuously increase to over fifty mph by Net time. The
thunderstorms moving in will have winds in excess of seventy
mph and golf ball size hail. Well at least the grown
men who beat the snot out of those poor little white balls
with dimples might actually hit a long drive with a tire iron
with the assistance of the wind and make it to the next green
in less than a dozen shots without killing the wetlands by
slaying Cat Tails and Water Lilies as they sling mud and
mutilated Analids skyward with their frantic attempts to
blast their balls out of the rough. But one wonders, do they
still shout "Fore" when they are hacking hail stones or do
they yell "Get the hail out of the way unless you want to get
stoned!"

Tell your Mom, or some other woman who is a mother, to have a
wonderful day and treat them to flowers, (preferably real and
not paper or plastic), gourmet chocolate candy (not that
cheap stuff you bought the day after Halloween last year for
ten cents a pound) and dinner at a nice family oriented
restaurant without cigar smoke dense enough to color your
gray hair Camel brown! Honor your mother, or if yours has
gone on to Heaven, honor a senior citizen who may be alone
and forgotten by children who are just too busy to be
bothered. America is a great country because of mothers with
unfailing courage, quiet and steadfast devotion, unquestioned
love without expectations and a tireless devotion to church,
community and country. This is the true strength that flows
like a powerful quiet river below the surface of the asphalt
jungles, grassy meadowlands and golden fields of wheat. A
quiet and unassuming strength that is ever moving always in a
positive direction.

If you do not have a mother to take out to dinner or to a
movie or to simply visit and show your love for, then adopt
one for the day. No greater gift could you give on Mother's
Day than companionship.

I hope to hear many many of you later on today. Hmmm. The
weather alert just warbled and I think I need to change my
Fruit Of The Looms! A tornado watch until 6:00 AM EDT. Being
as my young grandson is here sleeping, I think I should
remain awake in case conditions worsen. The thunderstorms
with this severe weather are reported to have winds in excess
of seventy mph!  A great time to set those plastic bags full
of garbage outside that I forgot to do on trash pick up
day! A good gust of wind and the neighbors will have a
surprise present in the morning.


                  Hey!  What About Us Kids?


                                        By, duane B. Fischer


     Before we sit down to dinner,  there are a few things
that I would like to say in regard to Mother's Day.

     First, if it wasn't for us kids there wouldn't be a
Mother's Day to celebrate.  We created it, not the florists
and card shops, and I think that we deserve to get some
respect for it.  Furthermore, it is about time that mother's
recognized just how very fortunate they are to have us as
children.  After all, we made them what they are today.

     We taught them how to hold their breath for five minutes
while changing a smelly diaper.  How not to gag when we
breathed stale milk fumes into their nostrils while batting
our eyes and slobbering all over their clean clothes.  We
taught them the fine art of decorating ourselves, and the
walls, with everything from simple baby shit to complex
paints like mustard and permanent markers.  We showed them
how to stay awake all night and read story books to soothe
themselves.  We instructed them in the communication skills
of screaming at full volume for two hours about nothing in
particular.  How to use cosmetics to hide the bags under
their eyes that came from too much excitement.  Hey, don't
blame us if you couldn't sleep.  We did.

     There were all of those lessons on life that we taught
you also.  Like how to get by with one pair of shoes, a
couple of mended dresses and yard sale bargains.  It was
called being practical.  Don't blame us because we wore the
latest fashions.  What did you expect us to do, run around
butt naked?  It isn't our fault that they tore so easily and
got all of those mysterious stains on them.  You could have
just bought more.  You didn't have to spend all of those
hours washing, ironing and mending.  But I guess that it gave
you something to do with your idle time.  You know, that
extra five minutes just after drying the last plate and
before feeding the dog.

     We taught you other things too.  Like how to share.  We
freely shared our diseases, problems and complaints with you.
You got some valuable training in health care, crisis
management and psychological counseling thanks to us.  Things
you could use to get a part time job with so that you could
pay us an allowance.  Remember that?  The weekly money that
we got for doing chores that we should have done for free.
But, it did help you learn how to manage your time and
finances better.  Come on now.  What was really more
important?  That fancy new ten speed bicycle for us or that
hair cut for you.  Thanks to us you learned how to make do
with what you had and to be thankful for it.  Being satisfied
with what you had helped to cultivate humility.  It was an
important lesson in life.  You learned it well.

     We taught you how to accept criticism without becoming
angry or resentful.  We showed you how to say please, thank
you and I'm sorry even when you were not.  It was called
being polite.  Remember how you smiled and were courteous
when our friends were rude and nearly demolished the house?
Remember that kid who used to swear so much?  Was it really
an accident when you claimed to slip on the bottle of pop
that he poured on the new carpet?  He sure had a funny look
on his face when you accidentally shoved that bar of soap in
his mouth!

     I could go on for many hours talking about all of the
things that we taught you.  But the Mother's Day dinner that
you fixed for us would get cold.  Remember how you learned to
eat every bean and pea on your plate?  Maybe it is the light
in here, but your hair does look a little gray.  Are those
wrinkles on your face?  You should try to get more rest and
take better care of yourself.  I'm glad that we could all be
here today to help you celebrate Mother's Day.  I know that
you appreciate all that we have done for you over the years.
Don't worry Mom, we will all be back here next year so that
you can fix us dinner again.  Mom?  What are you doing?  Stop
shouting Mom.  Please get down off the table.  Alright, we
will take you out to dinner next Mother's Day.  Put the
chocolate cake down Mom.  Don't throw it on the floor like
you did the mashed potatoes.  Yes I'll buy you a card, just
stop flinging buttered peas at me with the fork.  Ouch!
Don't squirt that juice from the turkey at me with the
baster. It is hot.  Put it down and calm yourself.  Of course
I will do the dishes Mom.  Anything you say.  Just stop
pulling my hair!  Appreciate you?  Of course I do.  Yes I'll
apologize for being so thoughtless. Just get the pepper
shaker out from under my nose before I sneeze my brains
loose.  Alright, I'll say it.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!  Now,
please, let go of my ear WITH THE METAL TONGS.

to my mother, Mertys L. Fischer, on Mother's Day May 9, 1993.
Mother's Day was made a national holiday in 1914 by president
Woodrow Wilson.



              She Can't Help It, She's My Mother


                                            Duane B. Fischer



Sometimes she's kind, sometimes she's mean,
Forever on a balance beam.
With nerves of steel and steady hands,
She never balked at life's demands.
When morning came she roused at dawn,
Without complaints and grumbling yawns.
She dragged this whining kicking creep
Into the light from covers deep.
She packed my lunch and wiped my nose,
And sent me off in five foot snows!
I learned to count and read and spell,
Report cards were a living hell.
We went to church and learned to pray,
Because of her it's done each day.
She whipped my butt with saplings strong,
I soon forgot the reasons wrong.
She never quit or turned her back,
Or pitched a fit and said she'd pack.
She washed my clothes and pressed my shirts,
And lectured me on mini skirts.
The go carts roared and auto's screeched,
Her peace of mind had been impeached.
The times I tortured brother dear,
The wisdom that I didn't hear.
The sacrifices that she made,
Most debts I owe are still unpaid.
Her humble unassuming ways,
The times she never got the praise.
The times she nursed me back to health,
I learned riches were more than wealth.
The sleepless nights caused by my pranks,
The times she never got a thanks.
The graying hair and aging skin,
Can't hide the beauty that's within.
I'm glad I'm yours and not some others,
Forgive her world, there's not another,
She can't help it, she's my mother.

Original: Mother's Day May 1992



                        A Mothers Work


                                        By, Duane B. Fischer


A mother works from dawn to dusk,
Seldom less, but often more!
Be it drapes to hang or corn to husk,
Or dusty trails across the floor.
A mothers work is never done.

Her eyes awake to shouts for food,
Of course none want the same!
With fruit in hand one flees while nude,
The grapes she saves and shouts "End Game"!
A mothers work is never done.

The Oatmeal's cold, the juice is spilled,
Buttered toast becomes airborne
Mom's sanity through love is willed,
Despite the tablecloth now torn!
A mothers work is never done.

The River Orange that flows on floor,
Is dammed by half chewed raisins.
A spoon with bend rebounds off door,
Maternal loves made Mom a maven!
A mothers work is never done.

The scent of bacon fills the air,
The children silent stare in awe.
Their begging eyes ask is this fair?
Mom smiles and chews, her rules are law.
A mothers work is never done.

With kitchen cleaned, and children washed,
Cartoons hold fast the rug rats minds!
Mom sits, but finds some chocolate squashed,
"With love from granny Sue" its signed!
A mothers work is never done.

Mom stops to watch dust bunnies play,
Exhausted though this days just born!
Those boys are Heavens golden rays,
Despite the hardness of the morn,
She thanks her God that three were born!

No, a mothers work is never done,
Its sunrise up til nighttime yawns.
Yes, father works from Sun for sons,
But a mothers work, is never done.

May 13, 2007 Dedicated to my beloved daughter Shelly Annette
Fischer/Carpenter



    Are You Sure You Want To Skip That Birth Control Pill?

                                            Duane B. Fischer

(1) Do you enjoy soaking your hands in a toilet?  This is
    essentially what happens if you have a child that doesn't
    come already toilet trained!  Boys tend to squirt you in
the eye with their fire hose like equipment and girls usually
soak your sock with a sudden waterfall demonstration.  Is
there any smell on Earth worse than a diaper with a full
load?  How can anything so cute smell so bad?  They are too
young to be drinking beer and eating pickled eggs, so maybe
it's something in the strained carrots.  Who else but a baby
could dip their finger in shit, smile and flip it at the
wallpaper?  If you add up what it costs for diapers, butt
wipes, talcum powder and new wallpaper, you could buy a new
car!  The alternative is to invest in a toilet training seat!

(2) Are you into creative free style art forms?  You better
    be if you plan to feed a baby!  They drip, dribble and
drop bits of food in places science has yet to discover.
There is some secret ingredient that baby food manufactures
put in those jars that prevents the stuff from washing off
high chairs.  Once it dries, you either have to chisel it off
by hand or have it sand blasted!  The dye in those foods
stains everything it touches, except the baby.  After feeding
the child a four course meal, your face looks like a make up
practice session for Bozo the clown!  If it dries on your
face, you can either request admission to a leper colony or
call a plastic surgeon.  Not even bleach will remove those
stains from your clothes, so burn them.  Either be naked when
you feed the child and shower quickly, or cut a breathing
hole in a plastic trash bag and wear it!

(3) Do you get sick to your stomach if you see somebody else
barf?  If so, then avoid babies.  They slobber, spit and
throw up all the time!  You pick them up to burp them, and
out it comes like a volcano exploding.  A stream of strained
beets splattering all over the wall.  Yuck!  Enough to gag a
gopher on a garbage pile!  Then they coo, smile and puke all
over your hair.  Next they bat their little eyes, pucker up
and kiss you right on the mouth!  There is nothing quite like
the flavor of a stomach acid kiss and the pungent scent of
sour milk to settle your already queasy stomach.  While you
stand there with tears in your eyes trying not to hurl, they
burp a cloud of toxic gas in your face that would choke
Godzilla.  As you stand there with baby drool dripping from
your chin down your neck, you are reminded that this too
shall pass!

(4) Do you remember the last time that you had a good night's
    rest?  If so, you aren't a mother!  They all have bags
    under their eyes big enough to carry groceries home in!
Their eyes are bloodshot from too much caffeine, too little
sleep and too many weight loss infomercials on late night
television.  They have mastered the skill of cat napping
while sitting on the toilet seat or dozing between spin dry
cycles.  The reason they so often look like they just
staggered out of bed when they answer the door, is because
they did!  They can change a diaper, breast feed, read a
romance novel, balance the checkbook and snore with only one
eye open.  They keep the handbook for Insomniac's Anonymous,
right beside the family Bible and child's birth certificate.
If the baby sniffles, farts or coughs they are instantly wide
awake.  They are at the baby's bed faster than a horse coming
out of the starting gate at the Kentucky Derby.  They know
what the child wants before it does!  Sleep to them is a word
that vanished from their vocabulary the morning the home
pregnancy test was positive!  The story about Rip VanWinkle
was really written by the sleep deprived mother of triplets
who was having a fantasy!

(5) Do you enjoy those moments in life that are full of
    peace, quiet and tranquility?  If so, don't forget to
    take that pill!  If you try to talk on the telephone,
they crawl onto your lap and shout in your face.  If you try
to go to the bathroom, they pound on the door and scream as
if someone was beating them with a bull whip!  If you sit
down to rest for a moment, they are instantly hungry, thirsty
or have to go potty.  If you get them all cleaned up and
dressed in their best clothes to go some place, they will
invariably spring a leak in their diaper and leave a puddle
on the floor.  If you pick up their toys scattered throughout
the house, they will rip the doily off the end table causing
the family heirloom ceramic lamp to tip over and shatter into
a thousand pieces.  If you give them a swat on the butt, they
look at you as if you were Atilla The Hun!  If you tell them
no, they make a face that makes the winner of the ugliest
pumpkin contest look cute and mutter just low enough to be
heard but not understood.  If you give them a bath and put
clean clothes on them, they will go outside and fall
headfirst in a mud puddle.

     If you are still glad that you had children after
    reading this, then you are undoubtedly qualified for the
    title of Mother.  If this made you smile, then I know
    that you will have a happy Mothers Day.  If not, you had
    better keep taking those pills!


Original: May 9, 1996  Mother's Day thoughts



Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net



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